i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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