spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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