What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
