i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
