i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
