I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
