You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
