he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
