can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You can't motorboat a personality
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
