it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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