I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
