he thought i was a dude.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize