never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I am naked and annoyed.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
