he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
