Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
