he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
