I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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