Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i came on her dog
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
