He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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