I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
