Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
