I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
