Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
