We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize