I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Randomize
