OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
