East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
