Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have aggressive nipples.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
