vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
