i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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