I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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