M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
