Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize
