Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
