I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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