Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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