He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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