Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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