He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
