so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
