This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
