i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
