How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
