god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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