The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
