i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
even my farts smell like vagina
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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