Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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