im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
