Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
