If i could tip my vagina, i would.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
