Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
