Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
