Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize