I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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