The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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