Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
