I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Randomize
