Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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