he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
