Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
