i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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