People in love make me want to vomit
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
