New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
