i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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