Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
