I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize