I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
