Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
