I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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