If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
