I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
