; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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