you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
