I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think your dad took our porno
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
