I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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