Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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