so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
