it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
