all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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