Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
