I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
