My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
