I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
