shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
