I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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