Yo dont text me then not text me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize