I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
