the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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