who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
