Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
