I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
