oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
