A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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